I have a 72 year old friend--a respected Buddhist, who suffered from constant dizziness and insomnia recently. It was quite frustrating. Yesterday the illness came back. Then last night I dreamt that she was going to pass away. Since people tend to believe that the dream is always the opposite to what actually happens after-wards, my dream might indicate something good according to our interpretation.
Among my friends are many older people, as the elderly are kinder, more thoughtful, more moderate and also wiser. By learning about their life experience, the younger may avoid many detours. Older people tend to believe the doctrine of predestination. They like to joke about their life expectancy and to laugh at their age, but in fact there is fear of death and insecurity about afterlife behind that.
I asked this Buddhist friend, "What is it about the idea of death that frightens most people?" The Buddha said, "Where there is something that can be distinguished by signs, there is deception." So, there's nothing in the world that we should be attached to. Am I not living to die? Sometimes I wish I could feel short of breath all of a sudden and so I could go to the Elysium.
She said, "You are still young. Don't you think about that so early." But I think that either a long life or a short one is simply a moment in the infinite expanse of the universe, compared to hundreds of millions of light-years, and the earth is just a pixel in the Milky Way galaxy. So, life expectancy only matters in the eye of an ordinary human. The same way we look at an ant or a mosquito, whose life we won't bless, and whose death we won't pity--it makes no difference if they die now or later.
I envy Zhai Zhigang, the Chinese astronaut who made China's first spacewalk not long ago. Should I have a chance like that, I would choose to stay in outer space, leaving my body decaying and my soul lingering and drifting out there. I'd be a spirit in the universe rather than a human on the earth. Otherwise I would like to reincarnate into an alien to look down at the earth.
In my childhood I loved to lift up my eyes unto the sky, hoping there would be a UFO to befall before me. And I called to the universe, "If there are any creatures from outer space, please come and take me away!"
One Makes Two
Such a story have I been told --
One makes two --
Two make three --
Three make everything --
A frighteningly new world begins its journey --
Without end...
Without end...
1992
One makes two --
Two make three --
Three make everything --
A frighteningly new world begins its journey --
Without end...
Without end...
1992
The Moment I Saw Thine Eyes
The moment I saw thine eyes --
My heart became a quivering leaf --
And the seconds seemed like hours --
Making my tongue so stiff --
What made the tea so sweet?
What made the chill feel so warm?
'Tis the magic thou hast got, if not --
I'd rather stay in my dream --
I'd like to prolong the silence --
To sense the world, saying nothing --
That was simply enough to us --
Your eyes told me everything --
1992
My heart became a quivering leaf --
And the seconds seemed like hours --
Making my tongue so stiff --
What made the tea so sweet?
What made the chill feel so warm?
'Tis the magic thou hast got, if not --
I'd rather stay in my dream --
I'd like to prolong the silence --
To sense the world, saying nothing --
That was simply enough to us --
Your eyes told me everything --
1992
How Delighted I AM
How delighted I am
Lying quietly in my tomb
Of dark I hear the sound
Of soil I smell the fume
When I was above ground
One truth I never found
On my way to the grave
But for home I was bound!
In all this life we slave --
Yet I went with a wave
Mind not your skin, not save
Listen to me, be brave!
1992
Lying quietly in my tomb
Of dark I hear the sound
Of soil I smell the fume
When I was above ground
One truth I never found
On my way to the grave
But for home I was bound!
In all this life we slave --
Yet I went with a wave
Mind not your skin, not save
Listen to me, be brave!
1992
Ode to Peking Opera
There is beauty in everything --
In ther color of the voice,
In the melody of movements,
In the intensity of the air,
In the rythm of footsteps,
In the glitter of the ornaments,
In unspoken words of the sleeves,
In the sudden silence,
In the absence of settings,
In the pressure of the curtains,
In wiping invisible tears,
In telling a 5,000 year old dream,
Inscribed in each heart...
1996
In ther color of the voice,
In the melody of movements,
In the intensity of the air,
In the rythm of footsteps,
In the glitter of the ornaments,
In unspoken words of the sleeves,
In the sudden silence,
In the absence of settings,
In the pressure of the curtains,
In wiping invisible tears,
In telling a 5,000 year old dream,
Inscribed in each heart...
1996
View From The Top
Most people prefer to live a steady life, with a perfect family and a stable job, day after day, year after year, until one day, they retire from their job.
Most of the Chinese people have never left or never thought about leaving this land till they pass away. All the money made with great efforts is spent on housing, education and self-support when they get old. A high school pal of mine who worked at a savings agency 10 years ago, now still works there, only with a husband and a kid added to her life, in addition to the extra weight she has put on.
But I have been unwilling to live this kind of life since I could remember. The life I dream to have is filled with suspense and uncertainties. So, a few years ago, I started a new life in Canada with two suitcases. Thinking of those early European immigrants who came to the new continent to cultivate this land, I felt I really was lucky.
I settled down in the beautiful and relaxing Vancouver, but I was not fulfilled. I couldn't let someone tell me I had seen enough of Canada, so I flew to Toronto with my suitcases. Where was I going to stay? What good people was I going to run into? What romantic affairs was I going to have? Whenever I thought about those questions I really felt high.
I still remember the days I had in Egypt, after I traveled through a time and space tunnel that spanned across over 7,000 years. Every day and every night I was intoxicated. For the first time I had the privilege to be nearly worshiped by the people of Egypt. I figured, life could be this colorful, as long as you dared to travel alone and take risks. I also remember when I flew to London and then headed for Edinburgh. Knowing nobody there pretty much excited me. Who was going to show up in my destiny? All the suspense motivated me to wait anxiously every night till tomorrow came.
Traveling overseas doesn't need a sound financial support, because the awareness of owning excessive financial resource may ruin the heroic feeling of having the sky as my quilt and the earth my bed. And God favors those who are bold and loving, so even though I've been roaming around quite a bit, I have never gone through any financial crisis. My trick for surviving is smile. Therefore, all those I have encountered have been helpful to me.
The joy of living is, to me, not eating, drinking, working and making money, but seeing as much of this world as possible. You won't waste your lifetime if you have experienced various cultures, sights and lives. As long as you can afford a flight ticket, go ahead and see the world!
Most of the Chinese people have never left or never thought about leaving this land till they pass away. All the money made with great efforts is spent on housing, education and self-support when they get old. A high school pal of mine who worked at a savings agency 10 years ago, now still works there, only with a husband and a kid added to her life, in addition to the extra weight she has put on.
But I have been unwilling to live this kind of life since I could remember. The life I dream to have is filled with suspense and uncertainties. So, a few years ago, I started a new life in Canada with two suitcases. Thinking of those early European immigrants who came to the new continent to cultivate this land, I felt I really was lucky.
I settled down in the beautiful and relaxing Vancouver, but I was not fulfilled. I couldn't let someone tell me I had seen enough of Canada, so I flew to Toronto with my suitcases. Where was I going to stay? What good people was I going to run into? What romantic affairs was I going to have? Whenever I thought about those questions I really felt high.
I still remember the days I had in Egypt, after I traveled through a time and space tunnel that spanned across over 7,000 years. Every day and every night I was intoxicated. For the first time I had the privilege to be nearly worshiped by the people of Egypt. I figured, life could be this colorful, as long as you dared to travel alone and take risks. I also remember when I flew to London and then headed for Edinburgh. Knowing nobody there pretty much excited me. Who was going to show up in my destiny? All the suspense motivated me to wait anxiously every night till tomorrow came.
Traveling overseas doesn't need a sound financial support, because the awareness of owning excessive financial resource may ruin the heroic feeling of having the sky as my quilt and the earth my bed. And God favors those who are bold and loving, so even though I've been roaming around quite a bit, I have never gone through any financial crisis. My trick for surviving is smile. Therefore, all those I have encountered have been helpful to me.
The joy of living is, to me, not eating, drinking, working and making money, but seeing as much of this world as possible. You won't waste your lifetime if you have experienced various cultures, sights and lives. As long as you can afford a flight ticket, go ahead and see the world!
Small World
Douglas, one of my friends of 8 years, from Montreal, Canada, invited me to bring a couple friends to his cafe to try new recipes, new organic food and drinks. So I brought my film producer friend Ms. Li, and a Vancouver-based Canadian modern and contemporary dancer, Kevin, who is currently working at the British Columbia Pavilion in Beijing for the Canadian Olympic delegation.I met Kevin in Vancouver and bumped into him 4-5 times at the Vancouver Aquatic Center. It seemed to me that yesterday we were still walking on Beach Avenue in Vancouver and now we were walking in the CBD of Beijing. What a small world!
By connecting with each other, opportunities all came up. Ms. Li was looking for foreign cast (one white male in 40s, and 2 white males in 20s) for a Hollywood production shot in China--Mermaid Island, with the director coming to Beijing from L.A. next week. Kevin was very excited about the part, and hopefully Ms. Li was going to arrange for him to meet the director next week.
Then, impressed by the cafe owned by Douglas, Kevin would love to bring his co-workers to try the food at his cafe. Ms. Li planned to hold a French wine tasting party at his cafe, though.
After the lunch I went to the newly opened ancient street--Qian Men Avenue, to enjoy the renovated ancient architecture. It reminded me of London, England.
At night I was invited to a party at my big star friend Wang Ji's apartment. It was a huge duplex apartment in a very nice complex, very luxurious and spacious. Her master bathroom was even bigger than my master bedroom, needless to say she bought this apartment only for her daughter. She has quite a few apartments and houses both here in Beijing and Beverly Hills in L.A. I guess she must be doing really well. While most actors I know cannot make both ends meet, she has one contract after another. She just finished a 50 part TV series and was flying to another city for a movie the following day.
I was glad to meet her friend from L.A., Jimmie, Director of the Center of International Scholars of UCLA, who came to Beijing to watch the Olympics, especially basketball and track and field. He was a very interesting guy, born and raised in a slum in L.A., serving the US army in Germany during the Cold War, then going to law school at UCLA. He helped Wang Ji a lot when she was studying acting at UCLA during the 1980s, and now it was time to Wang Ji to pay back.
Olympics Coming, Pollution Gone
We're counting the days to the Olympic Games. Last Saturday I was invited to visit a farm in the suburb that plants and supplies organic vegetables for the Olympic Village. With many factories shut down temporarily and even-and-odd license plate private car owners driving on alternate days, air quality has improved a great deal.The picture shows the blue sky is back in Beijing, which has been unseen for over 10 years. Water is clearer and grass greener.
All 205 countries are sending their biggest team in history. Over 80 countries have confirmed their presidents' attendance of the opening ceremony. George W. Bush is coming with over 600 body guards. Stephen Harper is not coming and has caused disputes in his government. Over 200,000 PLA soldiers are committed to protecting the Olympic Games from terrorists' attack.
I strongly hope that the pollution will not come back after the Games.
In Memory of My Poodle Puppy
My dearest Poodle puppy, Baobao, passed away at the veterinary office near my home at 9:30AM on July 17, 2008. He died of CPV infection and was only 68 days old. He was most probably infected when I walked him in a park before his vaccination was completed. Veterinarians also said that my neighborhood was a large CPV-infected area with many adult dogs carrying the virus.He dehydrated rapidly due to vomiting and diarrhea. Medical treatments finally failed since he was too young to have a strong enough immune status.
It was a nightmare to see him losing appetite in depression, then struggling and groaning in pain and fear, and finally losing energy, closing his eyes and stopping breathing in my hands. Upon seeing him dying, I felt that I made a right choice to have chosen to become a vegetarian in the past months. There's no doubt that all living things are as afraid to die as human beings are, even though dogs seem to have more communication with us human beings than most other animals. How can we eat them even though we don't kill them with our own hands? And what if we are eaten by beings much wiser than we are?
I buried him in the garden outside of my balcony window, near where he used to live, jump, and entertain me, so I could keep him as a neighborly companion for ever and see where he slept through my window when I thought of him. I lingered around him for a while, watched the earthworms creeping out of the loose mud, expecting his resurrection to no avail. I sighed. He seemed very peaceful, slumbering in the quiet earth, beneath the delicate shades of green and red so that no one could ever disturb him.
Although my life is much longer than his, I wonder in the vast universe what difference it makes between 68 days and 100 billion years, as time and space are just an illusion to us. I can imagine that someday we shall be buried by our beloved very much the same way as I did him. I miss him already. Deep at night, I look through my window at the place where I buried him, wondering how many souls are drifting around out there waiting for their reincarnation. I believe he will be back for me, soon, since no one has ever loved him as much as I do.
A friend of mine who owns 6 dogs says to me that my puppy didn't come to the world for nothing; at least he had my greatest love and nursing care when he was my company during the past month. She has promised to give me a new Poodle puppy when her dog gives birth in August. But how can I forget the deceased?
As I'm writing this, night is wearing away. I wish the sun would never rise again so my dearest puppy could enjoy the longest sleep under the starry sky.
A Mysterious Friend
I've known Xiao Cui for 3 years now without much interaction until recently I reconnected with him. He is an actor, pretty good, but not so famous, and still struggling to make both ends meet. He is believed to be possessed by a spirit and can always surprise people by what he says about them by instinct.I used to think he was simply a great observer, spell-binder and entertainer. But this time, after 2 years of living abroad and not seeing him, I've found he is really something.
My 72 year old Buddhist friend says that Xiao Cui's case is a typical spirit-possessed one. I've tested him with pictures of friends in Vancouver and in other countries. He can tell roughly what kind of person it is by simply looking at his or her picture. It is definitely not a random guess. There is something beyond explanation.
Here is something he says about my Vancouver friends, associates and/or classmates--
R: He has some ego. A nice guy, and is very fond of you.
K: She is very active, and very loyal to you, and has some romantic feelings for you.
R: He is a very good person, very easy to work with.
N: He is very reliable and loyal.
C: He likes you, has lower IQ, and is very vulnerable.
M: He is a nice enough guy and hates you.
R: He is nice, but very tempromental.
To test him more, I bought him to one of my closest friends, Kim, without revealing anything about Kim prior to their meet.
Kim, somehow skeptical, asked Xiao Cui to say something about himself right from the beginning. I was a little shocked as I heard Xiao Cui saying, "Please forgive me for being straightforward" since I knew Kim was not doing very well at the moment. On the other hand, any shrewd observer might say the same, so I was not convinced enough.
Then Xiao Cui said a whole bunch of things about Kim, which were so accurate. It was apparently not a guess, not possibly, and so I asked Xiao Cui how he could know so much about a complete stranger. He said that when he was asked a question, he could hear someone speaking in his mind, and he just followed that voice.
People are normally more likely to believe neuropsychiatrists than spirit-possessed people. In China one can always run into people who have supernatural abilities, either innate or acquired through Buddhist or Daoist practice.
So if you come to Beijing someday, Xiao Cui will be happy to meet you and tell you about your past, present and future.
It is said the most powerful supernatural people are some lamas from Tibet, who have a special way of achieving a high spiritual state. Some have the third eye, which I have tested and proved, and some may walk through a wall, which I've heard constantly but never seen.
Welcome to China if you wish to explore the unknown and pursue your spiritual potential!
Tibet These Days
I phoned some friends in China the other night, including my Tibetan Buddhist master, to discuss the current situation in Tibet. My Tibetan Buddhist master, a widely respected high profile lama, is currently in Beijing. He believed the riots were basically started by some monks who got drunk. The monks involved in the riots were not real monks, as violence and crimes were absolutely against the teachings of the Buddha. These monks burned the shops, schools and hospital, attacked both Tibetans and Han Chinese, as well as children and tourists including an Australian woman.
The riots are over. It seems to have been mis-interpreted by some people who have been brainwashed by media. No intellectuals should rely merely on media to get the truth. Silence is golden.
I saw Richard Gere passionately talking about Tibet on CNN. He knows shit about Tibet. I believe there are many foreigners out there who have been brainwashed and manipulated by their media. Any news about China has to be negative so that they will believe it--from the "poisonous" toys to the dumplings, the news always ended up with an apology to China. Some foreign media has a particular interest in bitching about human rights and pollution in China, totally blind to all those progressive changes.
In reality, no government can make EVERYONE happy. It's nothing to panic about if we hear voices against the government.
I also read some news coverage and online discussions in foreign countries made by those who have never been to Tibet, who have zero knowledge about the history of China and the history of Tibet, and who have not even lived among Tibetans for an extended period of time. These people have NO rights to comment on China and Tibet. They'd better mind their own business, just like we don't say a word about England and Scotland, or Canada and Quebec.
There is a Chinese saying--"The baby who cries more gets more milk." It does not necessarily mean that those Tibetans in exile deserve sympathy so they must be completely correct about everything they say.
I encourage you to visit Tibet. Seeing is believing. In Beijing it is very trendy to accept the Tibetan style Buddhism and we are having a great time with our Tibetan Buddhist masters. They are not simply jaw-dropping fortune-tellers. They see everything beyond your past and future. Their profound wisdom has inspired me over the years.
The riots are over. It seems to have been mis-interpreted by some people who have been brainwashed by media. No intellectuals should rely merely on media to get the truth. Silence is golden.
I saw Richard Gere passionately talking about Tibet on CNN. He knows shit about Tibet. I believe there are many foreigners out there who have been brainwashed and manipulated by their media. Any news about China has to be negative so that they will believe it--from the "poisonous" toys to the dumplings, the news always ended up with an apology to China. Some foreign media has a particular interest in bitching about human rights and pollution in China, totally blind to all those progressive changes.
In reality, no government can make EVERYONE happy. It's nothing to panic about if we hear voices against the government.
I also read some news coverage and online discussions in foreign countries made by those who have never been to Tibet, who have zero knowledge about the history of China and the history of Tibet, and who have not even lived among Tibetans for an extended period of time. These people have NO rights to comment on China and Tibet. They'd better mind their own business, just like we don't say a word about England and Scotland, or Canada and Quebec.
There is a Chinese saying--"The baby who cries more gets more milk." It does not necessarily mean that those Tibetans in exile deserve sympathy so they must be completely correct about everything they say.
I encourage you to visit Tibet. Seeing is believing. In Beijing it is very trendy to accept the Tibetan style Buddhism and we are having a great time with our Tibetan Buddhist masters. They are not simply jaw-dropping fortune-tellers. They see everything beyond your past and future. Their profound wisdom has inspired me over the years.
Single Eyelids or Double Eyelids?
In North America, I have constantly seen people talking about double eyelids on the Internet. They desperately want to believe that East Asians have double eyelid surgery just in order to look more western.
Speaking of cosmetic surgery, the most popular procedures in USA are liposuction, breast augmentation and nose job, while in East Asia, the most popular procedures are liposuction, breast augmentation and double eyelid surgery.
So you see there are similarities and differences. People all want to be slim, women all want big boobs, and white people want to get rid of their big nose and East Asian women want double eyelids.
East Asians' double eyelids is different than Caucasian eyelids. Caucasians, strictly speaking, have the look of "double eyelids" because of their deepset eyes and protruding eyebrow bones, and thus when they open their eyes, look upcast, it looks like they have "double eyelids".
However, many East Asians may have a fold, a natural crease above their eyelids, which adds some beauty to the eyes, and which is what those who don't have this may dream about. In Japan, 70% of the population have single eyelids, while in China 70% of the population have double eyelids. In Korea, I believe most people are born with single eyelids because I have seen the kids there ALL having single eyelids.
Double eyelids has actually been an issue only in East Asia, but some white reporters brought this topic back to their country to please its people by relating it to East Asians hoping to look "more white". That's ridiculous.
In USA, there are millions of cosmetic surgery patients who want to get rid of their big nose, but they do not necessarily want to look more oriental. Likewise, an oriental woman who would like to have bigger eyes may not want to look more American.
Therefore, cosmetic surgery is all about looking more beautiful; its nothing to do with looking like one race. That's what some people who feel insecure about themselves might like to believe.
Speaking of cosmetic surgery, the most popular procedures in USA are liposuction, breast augmentation and nose job, while in East Asia, the most popular procedures are liposuction, breast augmentation and double eyelid surgery.
So you see there are similarities and differences. People all want to be slim, women all want big boobs, and white people want to get rid of their big nose and East Asian women want double eyelids.
East Asians' double eyelids is different than Caucasian eyelids. Caucasians, strictly speaking, have the look of "double eyelids" because of their deepset eyes and protruding eyebrow bones, and thus when they open their eyes, look upcast, it looks like they have "double eyelids".
However, many East Asians may have a fold, a natural crease above their eyelids, which adds some beauty to the eyes, and which is what those who don't have this may dream about. In Japan, 70% of the population have single eyelids, while in China 70% of the population have double eyelids. In Korea, I believe most people are born with single eyelids because I have seen the kids there ALL having single eyelids.
Double eyelids has actually been an issue only in East Asia, but some white reporters brought this topic back to their country to please its people by relating it to East Asians hoping to look "more white". That's ridiculous.
In USA, there are millions of cosmetic surgery patients who want to get rid of their big nose, but they do not necessarily want to look more oriental. Likewise, an oriental woman who would like to have bigger eyes may not want to look more American.
Therefore, cosmetic surgery is all about looking more beautiful; its nothing to do with looking like one race. That's what some people who feel insecure about themselves might like to believe.
Ego, Attitude and Loneliness
I'm sure there are millions of lonely hearts in the world.
I believe that while many people choose to be alone without feeling lonely, many others can't help being alone and feeling lonely.
People with attitude are very likely to stay lonely, since they build up a fortress to surround themselves, to defend themselves from being hurt. Attitude always goes with ego, which always goes with insecurities, sensitivity and vulnerabilities. Sometimes it may also be a reflection of an unpleasant past experience.
As I have observed, those who seem to have an attitude are not very happy, even though they crave for attention, friendship and love as much as anyone else. They have very few good friends, and are hardly gratified with their love life.
People were not born with attitude. For them, attitude is a conditional reflex, as a way to protect their self-esteem, when they assume a certain person they will confront may have an attitude.
No human beings can live alone. Happiness often lies in how well one interacts with people surrounding him or her, and yet loneliness and isolation certainly won't bring happiness. To achieve happiness, we need to live truthfully, to approach those who cross our path without a disguise and with an open heart.
Attitude that comes from ego is bad, as it will hurt others and yet it won't do good to you, either.
I believe that while many people choose to be alone without feeling lonely, many others can't help being alone and feeling lonely.
People with attitude are very likely to stay lonely, since they build up a fortress to surround themselves, to defend themselves from being hurt. Attitude always goes with ego, which always goes with insecurities, sensitivity and vulnerabilities. Sometimes it may also be a reflection of an unpleasant past experience.
As I have observed, those who seem to have an attitude are not very happy, even though they crave for attention, friendship and love as much as anyone else. They have very few good friends, and are hardly gratified with their love life.
People were not born with attitude. For them, attitude is a conditional reflex, as a way to protect their self-esteem, when they assume a certain person they will confront may have an attitude.
No human beings can live alone. Happiness often lies in how well one interacts with people surrounding him or her, and yet loneliness and isolation certainly won't bring happiness. To achieve happiness, we need to live truthfully, to approach those who cross our path without a disguise and with an open heart.
Attitude that comes from ego is bad, as it will hurt others and yet it won't do good to you, either.
Who Really Care About Us?
I know sometimes, in order to survive, to earn a living, to love and to be loved, we have to sell ourselves and may seem to have a lot to show off.
But most people don't really care who I am, or who you are... They neither love you nor hate you. They see you as no different than a tree, a cluster of grass, a stone or a bird.
We may struggle for the attention, respect or recognition we think we deserve, but we are not living for most other people. We are living only for ourselves and for the very few who really care about you.
It's more than enough to have a family to hold on to and a few really good, genuine friends.
But most people don't really care who I am, or who you are... They neither love you nor hate you. They see you as no different than a tree, a cluster of grass, a stone or a bird.
We may struggle for the attention, respect or recognition we think we deserve, but we are not living for most other people. We are living only for ourselves and for the very few who really care about you.
It's more than enough to have a family to hold on to and a few really good, genuine friends.
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